I've got a bad habit of lying to my wife. I don't want to. My intentions are to get our marriage back on track. Most of the lying wouldn't be serious if it wasn't for the pattern. It's been little things. One year I bought records on Record Store Day after we decided to not spend any money. Not the best thing in the world, but I'm not cheating or doing or anything like that. It's just that I feel like I have very little control over things. I've had sort of a feeling like this for a time, but I just had an epiphany moment about it. We'll discuss something and come to a decision. Well, we'll talk and what generally happens is, it feels like the decision is generally what she decides. So, I'll be going about life, then find myself going against this agreed upon decision. The thing is, I have problems with shame. I'm currently going to a therapist about it. These shame spirals are very serious and very intense. I shouldn't lie about stuff, but that's the reason why. I'm seeking help, and have identified a good number of my problems, which is the first step to changing them. I just don't think her can take much more. She's been willing to be supportive up until now. But her interest in discussing things is just about gone. I feel like I'm on the verge of a breakthrough and I feel like she's got one foot out the door. This is not doing great things for my shame response, but I'm trying to keep it in check. This last time, yesterday, I took the dogs out into the yard, even though we've agreed on not doing this. She was in bed when I've done this. I'm trying to shape up when it comes to things. I really am, but I made a stupid mistake. Either way, by the time I came back inside with them, she was up and in the bathroom. I quickly grabbed the leashes and tried to make it look like I had taken them out onto the street. She saw through this. Now I'm not allowed to do anything with the dogs. I'm just starting to feel like it's not all my fault. Yes, I'm wrong about a lot of things, but I am trying to fix them. They're not changing overnight, but they change. I just get worried that this isn't the most supportive environment for me to do so. We don't have any level of intimacy anymore. Every time things seem to get a little better, something happens and things get worse again.