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some people simply don't have the option I just don't get that. If a therapist told me and to separate finances, I'd probably walk out of the office and find another therapist but that's just me. My intent would be to find ways to bring us closer together in marriage, not farther apart. But . this isn't my marriage and it's not my therapist. I have no idea what method is working here, and it might well have a proven success record. So if you and your husband trust this therapist and are taking steps toward at least some progress, then don't stop on account of me.. anyway It's the resentment I'm having trouble with. Why is there any resentment at all? In our house, my money is his. His money is mine. It's all in one pot and only one. Bills are paid, trips taken, things bought, tummies fed, and we don't have reins on each other. BTW, we take home less than $40K a year combined. And we don't fight about money. The way our bills work out, his paycheck pays the bills. Mine is what we live on. It just happens that I am the payer and budgeter (so I'm spending his entire paycheck every month). He's retired (pension paycheck), so has more free time and except for my grocery shopping and occasional work lunches, HE spends all of my paycheck every month. Tires, gas, dog food, errands, repairs, hobbies, whatever. The lines are so blurred that it's impossible to tell whose money is whose. The concept does not exist in our budget. It all belongs to both of us. What that does, essentially, is force us to each be % accountable to the other, and forces us to agree on expenses or ANYthing that might through our meager little checking account into overdraft. Communication and compromise cannot be avoided. I'm not saying that this would be a better approach for you oh, no not at all. If you two are polar opposites on how you each choose to spend money, then following my approach would be a disaster. At least in the beginning, until your spending habits are more closely matched and balanced. Maybe this is what the counselor is trying to do .. get you each to how your spending habits differ, so you can then start to find the balance somewhere in the middle. Or maybe it's to isolate where the real spending sinkhole exists while somewhat protecting the other partner in the process. I dunno. of incorporating their kink into their life paying for it gives them the luxury of dictating when/where the kink happens, without interrupting/interfering with their "real" life plus, paying for it assures them of privacy and discretion and I'd never presume to judge a person for pursuing their kink in this manner unless they were, say, a vehemently anti politician hiring prostitutes in which case knives out, no holds barred, hold that hypocritical motherfucker to account, in the harshest terms possible just sayin'
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